YOU -1

you. The earliest memory i have of you, i me rushing into class, when i was in 6th grade, and bumping into you. i was by then already a full grown woman, at least physically so. I weighed a full 58 kilos, was 5'4" tall, and had reached puberty 2 years back. I haven't changed in height or weight much since then. But i remember even now, thinking at that time, how tiny you were. You were around 4 something tall, skinny, probably 20 kilos lighter than me. And thats all i remember. At that point in my life, all i was concerned with was making my parents and teachers happy. To work hard, pour on my books all day and night, diligently do the homework in the best handwriting, just to get one word of praise from them.

The next memory i have of you, is probably a year later. I remember you going up to the stage, winning most of the sport and swimming competitions held at our little school. I say little now, but then, that was the world for me. The world where i had to prove my mettle, every day. And you winning all those laurels made me notice you, thinking, this guy is good at what he does! Because, for me, at that time, the world was about being at the top. how naive i was....

I remember coming back to school two years later, after our summer vacations. 9th grade had started with an unexpected twist.. we had new classmates, new students, and a whole new curriculum. My whole objective for the next two years was already planned. to get high scores in 10th grade, and to go on to the best high school possible. It was when i came back on the first day of school that i remember you again. You were now tall, taller than me. still lanky. but you had grown up. And you were more, how should i put it, carefree and aloof. You had become more outgoing, making your presence felt, or was it me just noticing you around for the first time...

The year went by in a blur. with exams, and worries for me, for the most part. I developed a genuine crush on one of the new guys joining our class, even though i hardly ever received a positive vibe from him. But i continued to notice you. You excelled in sports, getting the best athlete award for another year. You had come to exist in my perception of the reality of the world...

We moved on to 10th grade.. a year i had all my life considered the moment of truth, from where my fate would be decided. I took it really seriously. Spending longer and longer in front of book. Fretting and fussing about every point i lost in the math exam. Getting upset about a simple mathematical error i had made in the test. But what amazed me was how indifferent you were. How you continued to miss classes, even moreso when the time approached for the final test. You used to bunk classes, and tests to go play table tennis. It amazed me that such a person could even exist. I dismissed you as a freak of nature. But there were times when you came to class, and spent time with your friends, and made jokes that i secretly laughed at. I had never been friendly with the boys. And unlike the other girls who had been the center of attraction for many boys, with their feminine antics and giggles, i had remained a tom boy. No boy really paid attention to me, except for knowing that i sang a lot, and scored high marks in the tests. So, even though i looked like i would punch a guy in his face if he approached me, i was very shy, and conscious of how i was not pretty enough. But the jokes you made, sitting at the desk next to me, with your friends, made me laugh. I did not feel uncomfortable when you happened to touch me by mistake, like the other boys did. And this was the start of a one sided secret friendship i felt towards you, that you were not even aware of....